Many parents feel anxious about how life will change when a second child arrives. Around one in five parents, particularly mothers, experience worry about whether their special relationship with their first child will be affected by the new baby.
When this anxiety appears during pregnancy, it is known as maternal-fetal relationship anxiety (MFRA). Parents may feel disloyal to their first-born, fearing that the new baby will take away time, attention, and love. These worries often centre around three key questions.
Will I be able to love my second child as much as my first?
It is common for parents to wonder whether they can love another child as deeply as they love their first. Many assume that love is finite and that caring for a second child means taking love away from the first.
In reality, parental love expands. The arrival of a new child activates the same deep, unconditional affection you already feel for your first-born. Love is not a fixed resource; it grows with each child you welcome into your life.
What will happen to my relationship and life with my first child?
Parents often fear losing the close bond and enjoyable routines they have built with their first child. The new baby will need constant care, and there will naturally be less one-to-one time at first. This can feel like a loss of your old life together.
While your daily life will change, this is not a loss but a transition. Your first child will gain a sibling, which brings new opportunities for emotional growth and lifelong connection. You, in turn, will gain another child to love and nurture.
The arrival of a sibling can enrich family life. Most parents find that the joy of watching their children bond soon outweighs any early feelings of loss.
Will the children get along?
Concerns about sibling relationships are also common. Parents may worry that their first child will reject or resent the new baby, or that rivalry will harm family harmony.
Sibling relationships can be complex and occasionally challenging, but they are also one of the most valuable relationships in life. Most children develop strong emotional ties and would not want to imagine life without their brothers or sisters. Even when disagreements occur, siblings usually grow to provide one another with companionship, empathy, and support.
Understanding and Reframing Your Anxiety
Feeling anxious about the impact of a second child does not make you a bad parent. It means you care deeply about your children and the balance of your family. These worries are rooted in thoughts of loss—loss of time, connection, and familiarity.
To reduce anxiety, try to reframe the thought of loss into one of gain. The gain is significant:
- Your first child receives a lifelong companion
- You expand your family’s love and support system
- You grow as a parent through new experiences and bonds
It is extremely rare for parents or children not to love the new addition once the baby arrives. With time, both children usually develop strong, unique relationships with you and with each other.
When to Seek Support
If these worries become overwhelming or start to affect your mood or daily life, speaking with a parental mental health therapist or psychologist can help. A professional can offer guidance, reassurance, and practical coping strategies tailored to your family.
Final Thoughts
Anxiety about having a second child is natural and common. These feelings often arise from fear of change rather than from reality. Love, time, and connection are not divided between children but multiplied.
By acknowledging your worries, reframing your thoughts, and seeking support when needed, you can approach the arrival of your second child with confidence and calm.
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